Two Thousand and Sixteen

Every year just before New Year’s Eve I think ‘let’s write something about the previous year!’ and then I think ‘maybe writing something about the year is stupid’ and then I think ‘who cares let’s do it anyway’ and then I put it off for weeks until it’s almost too late.

Globally, 2016 was of course a year defined by dark chaos. Everything political that happened turned out as bad as it possible could have, several celebrities that I like died and several ones that I hate have continued to be alive. But who cares about the rise of neo-fascism and the continued endurance of the lives of both Woody Allen and Youp van ‘t Hek, let’s talk about Me.

Good stuff that happened:

-Ok let’s not do a cute thing where I save this for last, I got married! We had a big gay wedding, I wore a sequin jumpsuit and my wife wore a flower crown bigger than her head, there was a naked cake and Lola wore a little cloud outfit. Look at the pictures here. Also it was featured on Offbeat Bride! So now I’m married and I’m going to be honest, things aren’t necessarily that different. We just had a cool party and now I wear a sparkly opal ring. Other than that we do the same stuff, like enable each other’s online shopping habits and watch Netflix while a soft dog sleeps on our laps.

-I built my blokhut. I’d almost forget that wasn’t always there, but it was built in February. I made some cool stuff there I guess? I haven’t managed to focus my creativity as much as I wanted to, or even much at all. I just randomly made things I thought of sometimes. I did give myself permission not to worry about it too much because I had to use so much of my energy to write my dissertation and then I had to plan my wedding but I always immediately forget about stuff like that and wonder why I didn’t make more stuff. Stuff that I DID make and liked includes a crochet harlequin blanket, some cool chokers that I will start selling in 2017, some cool linoleum cut stamps and a tooth bag.

-I went to see The Darkness again several fucking times, do I ever not do that? In January I went to Germany and Belgium to see them and also they played in Amsterdam about a 15 minute bike ride from my house so that was great. And then the other week I went to their all-day Darknesstival in London. I often think ‘oh next time I will just only go and see them if they play in the Netherlands’ but then I instead do stuff like this but it’s always great.

I would mention other music I’ve been into but I honestly don’t think any of it was even remotely released in this year? I mean I am currently listening to Boston’s debut album so maybe that says enough.

-I wore some really cute outfits to be honest and I also got a great new hairdo that I’ve been complimented on by multiple strangers as well as several members of The Darkness. Although retroactively I can really confirm I reached my peak hotness in 2012, I have never felt more comfortable with the way I look than I do now. I think I have truly left body image issues behind me because I’m just a very cool person and I look great.

I know almost all of these selfies were taken in the lift in my nan’s building but that’s just where I tend to look really good ok.

-I graduated. This sounds fake when I say it like that but it is factually accurate. I handed in my dissertation and then a while later I was awarded an actual diploma. I still kind of feel like they’re going to tell me soon that that was of course a joke and did I really think they would give me a BA like as if?? But for now I’m working with the assumption that I actually graduated since all the signs are pointing in that direction.

-I went on holiday to Normandy in the summer with Cat, Cécile and Savriël and it was beautiful, we swam in the sea with Lola and saw the Bayeux tapestry and did general French things. I also went to Vlieland for the first and second time in my life. It’s a beautiful island off the north coast of Holland and it has an amazing tranquil vibe while also having some really intense nature and I really fell in love with it. I first went on the first hot weekend of the year, to a festival where Cécile was working and we swam in the sea and saw a seal. Then I went there again on my honeymoon with Cat and saw S E V E R A L seals, and these experiences have honestly secured seals as some of my favourite dumb little animals. They are dog mermaids.

-I got a job. For my standards it is a very real job but in reality it is a temp job at a call centre for an electricity company but who cares, I traded some labour for money. Because the company motto is ‘chaos rules us, communication is evil’ I have absolutely no idea how much longer I will be working there but we shall see. I wouldn’t  say I like the job and I certainly complain about it constantly but it is fairly alright and I at least realised I can just do a job without dying of tiredness and anxiety all the time unlike uni.

-To keep a positive spin on things I will say that another good thing that happened is we found Lola again after she had ran away while my parents were watching her. It was the worst day of my entire life and I was ready to die but that little sweetheart had been hiding in the bushes next to a busy road for hours and after hours of looking for her she came out but went straight back in, so I climbed down into these really dense bushes and kneeled on the ground and then she came back to me. I love her, she is the absolute most important animal in the entire galaxy and currently she is sleeping under a blanket next to me making gentle murp-noises.

-And let’s make sure to end on a wanky note: I tried to explore spirituality. Before you judge me, I did in a completely ridiculous way (witchcraft) and am bad at it. I think this is because I didn’t really commit to it and that I should continue the charade in 2017. My approach to is to not think about whether it’s real but to just see it as fun rituals like mindfulness. Cécile got me a tarot deck for my birthday and I want to get super good at doing readings with it because it’s fun and to practice for when I am old and have to make a living as a the neighbourhood witch because I will have to work until my death because never opened those pension fund letters I get all the time.





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