I have read many an article written by wives whose husbands picked their outfits for a week. They come in two categories. In type 1, the husband sends his wife to her office job in a skin tight neon green dress and to dinner with his parents in a bikini. This husband clearly outright hates his wife and lives to humiliate her, and in hindsight kind of regrets not just marrying a RealDoll. In the second type, the wife expects it to turn out like in type 1 but is pleasantly surprised that her husband knows that she tends to wear chinos to work and shorts to a picnic in the park and doesn’t make her wear her wedding dress to a job interview.
The one thing us gays get in return for being forced to live under heteropatriarchy is that we get to relentlessly mock heterosexuals and gloat about how much better we are than them. Me and my wife could pick each other’s outfits and it would just be a fun experiment where we’d think of some combinations the other person might not have come up with! Or would it be more difficult than that? There’s only one way to find out.
We both love fashion and have a similar attitude towards it, a tendency towards the severe and the fucking weird combined with a love of comfort. I have been described by my grandma as being both over- and under dressed at all times and I think this is true for my wife too. We have gone shopping together as a date activity on many occasions, enable each other’s habit of doing a €150 ASOS order at least once a month, and both own a horrible amount of clothes. Our styles are different but overlapping and we often wear each other’s jumpers, flannels and jackets and luckily we even have the same shoe size and wear each other’s Nikes constantly. We both love jumpsuits, glitter, oversized jumpers, crop tops and loud prints. And even when it comes to the stuff she wears that I couldn’t see myself in I completely understand what she’s going for, a good example being her casual floral menswear and snapback ‘ladbian’ looks. I like to think this is true vice versa for my Stevie Nicks-inspired black lace summer goth looks. We have also successfully bought each other clothes as birthday- and Christmas presents many times, so just picking things from the already existing pile should be easy peasy!
We’re starting the experiment on a very hot Sunday, and we’re going out for breakfast and then to an event at my mum’s art studio in the country side.
Cat’s pick for me is some black shorts, a cropped printed poloshirt (a vintage item I picked up a few weeks ago) and some Nike sliders. She also chooses some gold dangly earrings in the shape of suns and an choker with changeable letters that she puts the word ‘Nike’ on, the name of her employer. When we go out she also gives me some huge faux Henry Holland ‘cross my heart, hope to die’ sunglasses and a black tote bag with white text on it. So far so good, I like this outfit! Once I’ve put it on I realise the only way to describe it is ‘80s goth mom on holiday’ but let’s be real, that is very on brand for me. I put on my regular make-up, nude sparkly eyeshadow, winged eyeliner and lots of highlighter but I let Cat pick my lipstick. She chooses a matt grey/beige that I never wear which I initially think is super weird but it kind of works. I am complimented on the sunglasses by several people.
My pick for Cat is an extremely loud vintage floral playsuit, paired with a gold chain necklace and bracelet and black sandals that also have gold chains on them. I also put round sunglasses with little gold palm trees on her and give her a small black leather backpack and bright pink lipstick. I realise this outfit is also very 80s mom on holiday so we match!
Cat says: I bought this playsuit the other week from Zipper in Amsterdam, but had been hesitant to wear it because it’s so very loud. I love that Babs went immediately straight for it. I had a good time in it and got many compliments on how bright and summery I looked. If I had chosen this myself I might have tried to tone it down accessory-wise with a nude lip and simple jewellery, but that would have been a mistake, and Babs knew that! I love that she went for the bright pink lip and heavy gold accessories, it made the outfit much more playful and fun.
So far we’ve done pretty well!
We’re both going to work. We have office jobs, but luckily neither of our workplaces have a dress code. The temperature is nearing 30c so the goal for today is to keep cool while still not just sending each other to the office in booty shorts and bralettes.
Cat’s pick for me is a silvery grey midi skirt, a white tshirt with a small pink flower embroidery and some pale blue furry sliders. I bought the skirt in the autumn and have so far only worn in with tights, boots and black jumpers and wouldn’t have really thought to wear it in such a summery setting but it works and is surprisingly breezy! She also picked some pink mirrored sunglasses for me. I get several compliments from my co-workers on the sunglasses and the furry sliders, although one guy does ask why I’m wearing slippers to work. I have to say the sliders become kind of uncomfortable halfway through the day and I keep secretly taking them off under my desk. Aesthetically I think the outfit worked out well. Later on in the week I spot a very fashionable Monki employee wearing pretty much the same outfit so that should prove it was a good pick.
My pick for Cat is a green/black chequered pencil skirt, a black top with white stripes on the sleeve, and the same gold chain sandals as the day before. I bought the skirt for her a few years ago but she mentioned before that while she liked it, she wasn’t always sure what to wear it with so I thought I’d take the opportunity to see what worked with it.
I have owned this skirt for years but I always have difficulty working out what to wear it with. A simple black top had somehow not occurred to me. I tend to shy away from too much black as some sort of misguided atonement for my teen goth years, but Babs went straight for the black. Very typical for someone who moonlights as the sort of goth queen teen me could only dream of being. I was very happy with my pretty simple outfit, and Babs had me wear a simple black tattoo choker to finish my look. I was comfortable with the temperature and I felt casual yet office appropriate. The skirt didn’t even ride up that much! Another day of successfully not flashing my knickers at the office.
Another day at the office for both of us, but today the temperature has dropped to about 20c. The perfect weather to wear whatever you want in my opinion.
Cat picked a black velvet slip dress and a thin pink flannel and black Nikes for me. The dress is one of my favourite items and I’ve worn it with different flannels before so this outfit was very much within my comfort zone. I appreciated that especially as she told me later that her first idea was to put me in shiny disco leggings and a crop top. She also gave me the alphabet choker again and made it say ‘yikes’, which was appropriate as that is my reaction to everything at work all day. The only thing I got comments on today were my leg tattoos, but then again my co-workers have definitely seen me in this kind of thing before. I will probably wear this outfit again, it’s exactly the kind of comfortable but still cute everyday look that I like for work.
I picked an all black outfit for Cat which she doesn’t usually go for, to try and push at her boundaries a little bit without making her wear something she wouldn’t be comfortable in. I chose black harem pants, a black crochet lace top with a purple lace bralette under it, a black velvet choker with a mood stone and the Nike sliders that I wore on Sunday. I absolutely loved this outfit and kind of want to recreate it myself with some similar items that I have.
Cat says: Not gonna lie, as soon as Babs picked out my outfit I felt like I was paying the price for joking yesterday about my aversion to too much black. However, once the clothes were on, I did feel happy about my look. The harem pants kept things casual despite the lace top, and I love how comfy the sliders are. I got several compliments at work about the lace top. I can’t say I will necessarily start wearing black more often, but I did enjoy wearing this and thought it made sense as an outfit.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2